


My mind, your mind

by PeterHaleforAlpha



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: Mirror Universe
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mirror Universe, Multi, non-con mind meld
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 10:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15817365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeterHaleforAlpha/pseuds/PeterHaleforAlpha
Summary: Leonard, Jim, Scotty and Uhura have landed in a strange world, almost like a mirror to their own. Just before they can get back home to their own world Leonard has an unpleasant encounter with the Spock of that world.





	My mind, your mind

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution for Round 3 of the McSpirk Holiday Fest.  
> The story turned larger than imagined so I didn't get to finish it completely in time, so you only get chapter 1 today^^
> 
> The theme for this Round was "Favourite Tropes" 
> 
> I got the prompt for a Bones/Mirror!Spock non-con mind meld so please be aware of that before reading!

Leonard was more than ready to get back home. A few hours of this horrible world was enough. It was cruel and barbaric and uncivilised. 

But Spock - the  _ other _ Spock - had interfered. Now he was lying motionlessly on a biobed and Leonard knew that he would die without immediate treatment. Maybe he could last a few more minutes, an hour at most, but Leonard doubted that anyone would even care to treat him. They would use the death of the first officer to their own advantage.

And Leonard couldn’t let him die. 

He looked once more at Jim who was talking with Scotty about the fact that they needed to leave. That they didn’t have much time. 

“I can save him!” 

Jim looked at him, then back to Scotty and at him again. “He is a lot like our Spock, right?” There was a sad smile on his face, a clear indicator that Jim missed Spock just as much as he did. 

“I can’t let him die, Jim,” Leonard said quieter now. He couldn’t let him die, not any version of him. 

“Ten more minutes, Sir,” Scotty reminded them about their limited time frame. 

Jim nodded and Leonard wasn’t sure if this nod was for him or for Scotty. Then a hand squeezed his arm. “Five minutes, Bones, not a second more. Five minutes and you’re in the transporter room.” 

Leonard sighed with relief and nodded. “I’ll be there.” 

With that Jim left with Scotty and Uhura. Leonard was all alone with an unconsciousness Spock. Immediately he turned around to get the hypospray. He was true to his word, he wouldn’t waste any time. After all he wanted to go home too. Leonard couldn’t imagine to be stuck here with no way back. So he filled it with the right medicine and injected it into Spock’s arms. 

Fully concentrated on the readings above the biobed Leonard missed that Spock had opened up his eyes again. Leonard only noticed that Spock was awake when he moved. Instinctively Leonard backed a step away. He didn’t trust this Spock, even if he might have the same logical mind as his Spock had. So every step that Spock did towards him, Leonard took back until he bumped against the wall. Spock just stopped right in front of him, tilted his head a little. “Who are you?”

“I’m Doctor McCoy.” Though Leonard was afraid he would never back down. 

“Your actions indicate that you are not the man I know.” 

Leonard swallowed around a lump in his throat when Spock came even closer. When he saw Spock’s hand come closer to his face, he shut his eyes. “Don’t,” he whispered. Leonard knew what Spock was about to do. The fastest way to get to information was to dig around in Leonard’s mind. It was logical and efficient. 

But Leonard didn’t want him there. A shiver ran down his back when he felt Spock’s fingers on his skin. He hadn’t even allowed his Spock to perform a mind meld yet. They had been together quite a time now but Leonard was a very private person. This was not something he was ready for yet. These were his personal feelings. His personal memories. No one had a right to just watch them. 

“My mind to your mind,” Spock started this nightmare. 

Leonard grabbed Spock’s wrist, trying to get it away from him but the Vulcan was too strong. “Please, don’t,” he tried again to bargain. 

“My thoughts to your thoughts.” Spock just continued.

The sensation was so much more overwhelming than Leonard would have imagined. Images were rushing past him so fast, he saw pictures and scenes from his entire life. Leonard had the feeling that Spock searched through all of it in order to find what he was looking for. Some scenes were so blurry that Leonard couldn’t make them out. Others were sharper. 

He saw Jocelyn shouting at him, saw himself leaving with a duffle bag over his shoulders.

Then there was Jim. There was a lot of Jim. Jim with his ridiculous smile. Jim all beaten up after some stupid barfight. Jim on the Captain’s chair. Jim all flustered and insecure when they kissed for the first time.

Leonard tried to push Spock away from that. These were his memories. This was his Jim. He belonged to Leonard. All of this belonged to him. “Get out,” he begged again but Spock didn’t budge. He remained right where he was - right next to Leonard, all around him.

As clearly as Leonard could see all his life rushing past him he could feel the presence right next to him. He was calculating. Straightforward. And efficient. He wasn’t cruel or evil like Leonard had expected. He just wanted information and he took the fastest way to get them. It was Spock. He was so similar to the man Leonard knew. It was hard to distinguish the both of them now, especially because Leonard had always pictured Spock when he thought about sharing this with someone. 

Leonard hadn’t been ready for that kind of connection yet but that didn’t mean that he never thought about what it would feel like. He imagined it so many times, dreamed of it even, and he always, of course, had Spock in his mind. Never had he thought that someone else would ever do this to him. Never had he thought that it would be  _ another _ Spock, and yet so similar. Never had he thought that it would happen against his will. 

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. It wasn’t fair. This was just plain wrong.

It was just so wrong that someone was rifling through his mind, that it was  _ Spock _ . Leonard tried to remind himself that it wasn’t his Spock, that his Spock would never do something like that to him because he cared too much. But it was hard to remember when the someone who was dancing around in your head looked exactly like the person you loved so much and even felt like him. 

Leonard just wanted him to be gone, wanted this to be over but Spock just kept going. He jumped from images with Jim to images with Spock.

Leonard saw Spock for the first time when he stood up against Jim at the trial. Then it jumped to a lot of arguments. He saw Spock raising his brow, almost smiling at Leonard. Leonard tried to shut his eyes instinctively so he couldn’t see anymore. But these pictures were in his head and this other Spock was too. Leonard hadn’t the power to cast him out. It just kept going. He could almost feel the sensation when Spock first offered his index and middle finger to him, could feel the emotions that had been shared between the two of them. 

And then it was just over. Just as quickly as it had started. Spock was gone and Leonard woke up with a gasp. His first instinct was to get away but he was still pinned against the wall and Spock was way too close for Leonard to get anywhere.

“Fascinating,” Spock commented and Leonard closed his eyes. This sounded too much like his own Spock and he didn’t want to think of him right now, didn’t want another thing that made it harder to distinguish them. “How did you come here?” 

Leonard opened his mouth because he would tell Spock everything. He would tell him everything if it meant that he would stay out of his head but Spock probably never had the intention of listening to Leonard’s words because he already had his hands back on his face.

This time the images were even faster as if Spock just wound forwards in his memory to just get to this particular incidence. And Leonard hoped that he would get there fast. He had realized that he couldn’t do anything against Spock so he just surrendered. He should just get the information he wanted. Maybe it would be faster if Leonard didn’t fight. So he gave in, let Spock walk around in his memories while Leonard felt like a prisoner in his own mind. He could only watch, couldn’t do anything. He was trapped.

The own mind should be a refuge, a place that only belonged to oneself. Leonard had depended on that. The one place that was his alone. Now it wasn’t anymore. Now it was corrupted. 

Although this time Leonard had the feeling that it was quicker it wasn’t less damaging. The moment Spock took his hand away and was out of Leonard’s mind Leonard was frozen on the spot. He felt completely numb. Inside and outside. He wasn’t even aware of his trembling hands or his legs that threatened to give out on him. 

Without Spock’s tight grip around his upper arm Leonard would probably had fallen over. Only when Spock mentioned that they would go to his Captain Leonard found his way back to reality. “What?” he asked.

“You want to see your Captain again? And your Spock?” 

Out of nowhere Leonard felt a rush of anger. “Don’t you dare talk about them!” 

“We need to hurry if you do not want to miss them.” 

Leonard had no idea what was going on, what Spock was talking about and the rush of anger vanished as quickly as it had come over him. The numbness came back and he just let himself be dragged through the halls by Spock. His instincts screamed at him to get away from Spock as fast as possible but Leonard was no match to the strong grip of a Vulcan and he was just tired. He had given up. It made no sense to fight him. 

When they arrived in the transporter room Leonard straightened up a little. Spock let go of him and Leonard used the opportunity to get away from him immediately. This time his legs obeyed. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t alone with him anymore that gave him that little strength back. He saw Jim looking him over. “You’re okay?” 

Leonard just nodded. “I’m fine.” But he had never been so quick on a transporter pad before. He just wanted to get back home. To get away from this Spock as fast as possible. 

“Sir, we need to go,” Scotty said.

“I’m coming.” Jim said something to Spock that Leonard couldn’t make out and then stepped on the transporter platform right next to Leonard. Leonard had no idea what was happening right now. It looked like Spock was helping them but this didn’t make any sense. He looked over to Jim but before he could ask any questions they were surrounded with bright light and were back home in the next second.

Spock stood there, hands folded behind his back, with a little smile on his face. “Welcome back!” 

Leonard tried to feel happy and relieved that they were back home safely but he just felt how his hands started to shake again. Hearing Spock’s voice, noticing how he approached the transporter platform made Leonard nervous. Logically he knew that this was ridiculous. That this Spock in front of him was a whole other person than the Spock he just met but right now his brain seemed to refuse to think logically. Right now he just wanted to get away from him, just like he had wanted to get away from the other Spock. 

The touch on his arm startled him. He hadn’t noticed Jim coming closer as well, couldn’t keep his eyes off of Spock.

“You’re okay, Bones?” 

Leonard’s mouth felt dry. He had the feeling he couldn’t talk at all, so he just nodded. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jim frowning. He didn’t believe him. Leonard wasn’t surprised. He wouldn’t believe Jim either if their roles would be reversed. 

Leonard was basically on the brink of a panic attack. He couldn’t fool anyone. So he forced himself to take a deep breath and calm down. It worked - at least a little. His heart wasn’t beating as fast as a second ago. He registered how Spock send the rest of the away team to sickbay to get checked up on and the technician behind the transporter console left the room as well. 

They were all alone.

“Bones, tell us what’s wrong,” Jim tried again, not budging from his side. “Are you hurt?” 

Leonard just shook his head. “Not hurt,” he managed to say, still keeping his gaze fixed on Spock. He couldn’t let him out of his sight, needed to know where he was exactly. How close he was. 

“Bones, something happened!” Jim raised his voice a little, sounded angrier than before, maybe it was only frustration. “You came with … he … did he hurt you?” 

For a short moment Leonard dared to turn to Jim. He contemplated to just tell him, tell them both, but saying it out loud would make it real. He would admit to lose the last thing that truly belonged to him. If he would keep it a secret he could pretend that these memories were still only his. So he shook his head once more. “He barely touched me.” 

“Leonard, are you certain?” 

Turning to Jim had been a mistake. He saw the movement too late. The touch startled him and knowing that it came from Spock, he reacted instinctively. He backed away. His heart sped up, feeling scared and guilty at the same time. The look on Spock’s face broke his heart and he wished he could do something about that. But only the thought of being near him right now was too much.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I just - I need -” Leonard didn’t know what he wanted or needed. He just knew he needed to get out of here. So he pushed past Jim and Spock and ran out of the room. He heard Jim shouting after him. He felt both their gazes on his back but Leonard couldn’t turn around.

Right now he needed to be alone. Just alone with his thoughts. And his memories.

Because they still belonged just to him. Right?


End file.
